Do you want to get divorced? The decision to divorce is critical, with consequences that can last a lifetime. Marital problems, pain in your relationship and frustration with it does not always mean divorce.
Below are questions you should ask yourself before you get divorced. Go over these questions together, as a couple. Should you decide divorce is the answer for you, at least your spouse won’t be blindsided by your feelings.
1. Do you still have feelings for your spouse?
Have your feelings diminished or, are you feeling powerless over a problem in the marriage and due to this, there is a lack of emotional closeness. If there are still feelings of love and affection then you should work on the relationship before deciding on divorce.
You do not want to get caught up in the emotions of a situation like divorce and then realize you’ve made a mistake. If there is any love left, seeking couples therapy will mean not suffering feelings of loss after an un-needed divorce.
2. Was there even a marriage to begin with?
If your marriage has never been anything more than two people living together and getting their own needs met then divorce may be the answer. Marriage is a unified coupling of two people who work for the best interest of the relationship. Married couples work together for the good of the relationship. If there is no couple; only two people fighting for their own needs now would be a good time to either commit to changing the dynamics of the relationship or parting ways.
3. Is it divorce you want or, are you just threatening divorce?
Are you angry at your spouse and threatening divorce out of frustration over the problems in the marriage? Do you use threats of divorce to get your way or as a means of having power over your spouse?
Are you frustrated and feel that threatening divorce will finally get your spouses attention and they will take you seriously? If it is solutions you are looking for, threatening divorce will not get you where you want to be. You need couples therapy for that. If it is divorce then stop threatening and take a mature, informed step in the right direction.
4. Is your decision to divorce based on emotional reaction or true self awareness?
If you are ready for divorce you will have let go of any emotional attachments you have to your spouse. These are good feelings and negative feelings that often come into play during marital conflict. Deciding on divorce at a time when you are overwhelmed with emotions won't solve problems. It generates problems and compounds any hurt and frustration you may be feeling.
Unless you can look at your spouse as an individual who deserves your respect, even during the divorce process you are asking for trouble. If you cannot, the divorce process will be riddled with frustration, anger and distrust of the motives of your spouse.
5. What is motivating you to divorce?
Are you hoping that a divorce will mean your spouse will start treating you better? Maybe they will realize what they have lost and make the changes you need them to make. If so, you are divorcing for the wrong reasons. Divorce will only promote conflict, not resolve it.
All a divorce will do is end your marriage and split apart your family. If you want a change in the dynamics between you and your spouse, it isn’t divorce you want. Something to think about; once you have divorced, your spouse is free to form emotional attachments to others. If that thought is uncomfortable, think twice before making a decision.
6. Have you thought about the negative consequences of divorce?
Divorce can mean a loss of dreams and goals. Even if you are positive it is a divorce you want you need to have a support system in place to help you deal with the stress associated with divorce.
You need to be able to face your children’s pain and be there to help them cope. If you are the one wanting the divorce, you will have to deal with the pain of others. Don’t let guilt over wanting a divorce stand in the way of helping those hurt cope with the divorce.
7. Are you able to act in a mature way after the divorce?
Your attitude will determine what kind of life you will have after the divorce. Will you be strong, take responsibility and let go of any anger and resentment? Or, will you remain bitter, resentful and feel like a victim? The attitude you choose to live with will determine, not only the kind of divorce you have but the quality of life you have after you divorce.
Perhaps every married couple should think about your children and try and resolve it (for those with kids). There is a psycological effect on the kids.
I, for the life of me, cannot understand how a woman ever finds herself in this predicament. If marriage is the ultimate goal and a man doesn’t seem to be interested in marriage, it puzzles me why a woman won’t just pack up and leave. Yes, this is most certainly one of those “easier said than done” situations, but I mostly find that to be a convenient excuse not to make the tough decision. Often times women declare reasons for staying like “I’ve invested so much time in this relationship I don’t want to start over now” or “I don’t want to walk away from him now and then he marries the next chick that comes along.” But if a woman wants to be married and has waited 10 (or more) years in hopes of eventually being married to that man, it’s probably not going to happen.
Men tend to carry the most blame when situations like this are queued up for discussion. Instead of empowering women, men are looked to be “wasting a woman’s time” or “too immature to settle down.” Granted, those viewpoints are likely an accurate description, I’m not exactly a fan of leaving personal, life-altering decisions in the hands of other people. If a woman is dating a man for 10 years (or more), she has every right to ask that man if marriage is on the table. Ideally, she’d ask before a decade of her life passes by, but at some point the question needs to be asked. Where women tend to make their mistake is by not making it clear at some point during the relationship what it is they want and what it is they’re looking for. People, in general, seem to think there’s something wrong with setting up guidelines from day one and making people adhere to those guidelines. Suffice it to say, if a woman makes it plain from the outset what is acceptable in how she’s being treated, it becomes much easier to determine when to work with someone and when to walk away.
More troubles mount for suspended Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) governor,
Sanusi Lamido Sanusi as the Kano Emirate sends emissaries to the
presidency disassociating itself from recent comments credited to the
ousted CBN Governor disparaging the Nigerian government, the Presidency
and President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan. Pointblanknews.com authoritatively reports that reacting to bitter
complaints from the Presidency over Sanusi Lamido's attacks and disregard
to Federal authorities, the Emir of Kano, Alhaji Ado Abdullahi Bayero
personally chided Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, urging him to, 'shut up and stop
embarrassing the Kano Emirate.' A reliable source from Kano Emirate Council told Pointblanknews.com that
Emir Ado Bayero has continued to express concern over Sanusi Lamido
Sanusi's actions and utterances since he was suspended as CBN Governor.
'In fact, I must tell you that His Highness, Alhaji Ado Bayero is upset
over recent comments credited to Majen Kano, Alhaji Sanusi Lamido Sanusi.
The entire Kano Emirate is also not happy with the way our son and a
Prince of this Kingdom is going about making unguided statements. It does
not sy well of the good image and hard-earned integrity of the Kano
Emirate. The Emir and the Emirate Council feel very embarrassed over
Sanusi Lamido Sanusi's recent actions and we have ordered him to tread
with caution,' a highly placed Chief in Kano Emirate Council told
Pointblanknews.com. Already, the Emirate Council has sent a delegation to the Presidency with
a mandate to apologize to President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan over recent
comments and actions of the suspended CBN Governor.
The high-power delegation led by Dan Massanin Kano, Alhaji Yusuf Maitama
Sule and made up of respected elders, members of the Kano Ruling House and
representatives of the Emirate were mandated to apologize to President
Jonathan on behalf of the Kano people and the Emirate Council.
Even among residents and indigenes of the ancient commercial city, many
have expressed surprise that Sanusi Lamido Sanusi who is a front-line
contender of Ado Bayero's seat could take actions capable of putting to
question the integrity and honour of Kano Emirate Council.
Malam Abdullahi Ibrahim Doguwa, a political analyst described Lamido
Sanusi Lamido as a hero who shot himself on the arm, 'when he assumed
office as CBN Governor, he exhibited characters that made us proud. We
were really proud of him; but he dug his own grave when he missed up his
assignment as CBN Governor with politics and political agenda.
'Sanusi Lamido Sanusi offered himself to be used and dumped by desperate
politicians who exploited his 'busy body' and loquaciousness to achieve
their selfish agenda; while watching in laughter as the Kano prince
crashed his own career and integrity in such a tragic way. As it is now,
he is on the verge of losing everything as his shameful outing at the CBN
has seriously damaged his chances of becoming the Emir of Kano-a dream
that is so dear to him.' Most residents are also frowning at recent romance between embattled
Sanusi Lamido Sanusi and Kano state Governor, Dr. Rabi'u Musa Kwankwaso as
they remind the Governor of the Sanusi of the early years of 2000 when
Kwankwaso as Kano state Governor (during his first term) threatened to
withdraw government's patronage of UBA if Sanusi was not sacked by the
bank. Pointblanknews.com recalls that Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, a staff of UBA, at
that time, in his characteristic mannerism, unwholesomely attacked
Kwankwaso's government leveling llegations of misgovernance and financial
misconduct. Alhaji Khalid Inuwa, a Kwankwasiyya movement adherent, urged Governor
Kwankwaso to be wary of Lamido Sanusi Lamido because, 'once beaten, twice
shy; we cannot forget in a hurry, how Sanusi Lamido Sanusi tried in vein
to smear the name and image of His Excellency, Governor Rabi'u Musa
Kwankwaso. I believe Governor Kwankwaso should be very careful with Sanusi
Lamido because he is not trudt worthy.' SANUSI LAMIDO SANUSI AND EMIR ADO BAYERO'S SEAT Pointblanknews.com recalls that in July 2012 when Emir Ado Bayero returned
from London, the Emir expressed his angy with a number of Chiefs in his
Emirate who were accused of collecting 'gifts' from Sanusi Lamido Sanusi
to influence his ambition of succeeding Ado Bayero upon his death.
Pointblanknews.com reports that the Emir's trip to London generated a lot
of rumours with divided speculations of the Emir's health condition. While
many believed that Emir Bayero was in coma, others had believed that the
Kano Royal Father had died in a London hospital. However, the Emir's surprised return to Kano dispelled all the rumours as
thousands of his supporters and Palace Guards welcomed him amidts fanfare.
The Royal Father, in a long convoy, moved round from Malam Aminu Kano
International Airport (MAKIA) to his Palace. Then, there was serious power
play within the Kano Emirate. Pointblanknews.com also learnt that Sanusi Lamido Sanusi who was installed
as Majen Kano by Emir Bayero was desperately interested to become the next
Emir of Kano. It was learnt from a reliable source that Sanusi Lamido, in
a bid to actualize his dream, doled out billions of Naira (illegally
remitted from CBN coffers) to king makers so as to protect his interest
and appoint him Ado Bayero's successor. In fact, a source revealed that
each of those that matters within the Emirate Council received a 'gift' of
N1 billion as an inducement to pursue and protect the embattled banker's
interest. Pointblanknews.com also gathered that Sanusi's desperation to become the
Emir of Kano made him to secretly apologize to Governor Rabi'u Musa
Kwankwaso who would have been a stumbling block to his ambition. This
medium recalls that Kwankwaso and Sanusi Lamido Sanusi were at daggers
drawn during the former's first-term as Governor of Kano state. At that
time, the CBN governor, reputed for his radical criticism of Kwankwaso's
policy incurred the wrath of Governor Kwankwaso who had sworn to frustrate
all his interest. Meanwhile, social critics and watchers of the unfolding
scenario at Kano Emirate Council are of the view that the trouble of Emir
Bayero's successor remains a time-bomb capable of wreaking havoc upon
explosion. However, the question remains, is Sanusi Lamido Sanusi's desperation to
climb the Kano's traditional stool a move to restore the integrity of his
grandfather, Emir Sanusi who was dethroned and banished from the Kano
emirate several years ago, or a burning desire to serve Kano and its
people? But with the current ropes of corruption and irresponsibility
entangling Sanusi Lamido Sanusi's tin neck, his dream of becoming the Emir
Armed men, believed to be soldiers, Friday evening, raided one of the residences of Major Hamza Al Mustapha (rtd), former Chief Security Officer to the late Head of State, General Sani Abacha, located at Durbin Katsina, Kano metropolis, leaving in its wake sordid tales of rights violation and molestation.
The heavily armed men, who reportedly came in trucks and tanks, allegedly cordoned several streets leading to the house and seized the occupants who were mostly women and children in an operation that lasted 60 minutes.
Al-Mustapha's younger brother, identified as Hadi, is also said to be a resident of the house.
Eyewitnesses said the 'soldiers' came in trucks and tanks and, immediately they gained entrance into the building, ordered everyone around to lie face flat on ground and, at gunpoint, conducted a thorough search of the building.
'One Abubakar, reportedly a cousin to Major Al-Mustapha, was maltreated by the troops. He is recuperating at a private hospital, a witness recounted.
The eyewitness revealed that the wife of Hadi, Al Mustapha's brother, was forced, at gunpoint, to conduct the armed men round the expansive building, adding that 'the traumatized housewife was immediately taken to a hospital shortly after they left'.
Another source stated: 'The invading forces were not friendly, not even the children were spared as the house was ransacked inside out all in the name of searching for an imaginary cache of arms'.
The source added, 'The same treatment was meted to those outside. I heard their leader, a colonel, during a telephone conversation, telling the person at the other end that they had not found anything incriminating and that it seemed the information (they had) was not accurate'.
Speaking on the development, Hadi disclosed that the family was evaluating the damages done by the men, stressing: 'We intend to come up with details of what happened and the action to follow in due course.'
The outgoing military spokesman in Kano State, Captain Ikediche Iweha, while reacting to the story, declared: ' Haba, we don't invade houses. If the story you are telling is correct, then it must be the usual routine checks.
'In any case, give me time to verify the matter and get back to you'.
As at press time the spokesman did not call back. He is on transfer to 3rd Armoured Brigade, Jos.
Prince Bob Njemanze, one of the 3-man delegates to the ongoing National Confab, in Abuja nominated by Imo state government has expressed dismay over the rejection of free secretariat and other logistics provided by Owelle Rochas Okorocha to the South-East delegates by his fellow delegates just because their various state governors told them to do so.
He stressed that when the delegates from the South-East were initially looking for an office which will serve as their secretariat they made some contacts and Imo state governor Rochas Okorocha in his goodwill provided a comfortable secretariat at Imo state Liaison office, provided vehicles and other necessary logistics for the South-East members of the confab led by Senator Ike Nwachukwu.
He added that the members being influenced by their governors rejected the secretariat and opted for an alternative secretariat which will cost some money.
Bob Njemanze stated that, to his surprise, those governors who influenced the rejection of the accommodation donated by Rochas Okorocha because APC and PDP political permutations and intrigues did not provide any alternative secretariat, fund and logistics to rent an accommodation elsewhere in Abuja.
He said Senator Ike Nwachukwu who is the leader of the delegation in his own wisdom used his money to rent a secretariat for the South-East delegates and the office is still in need of other logistics materials like vehicles. He said that Imo delegates are not happy with this development but Senator Ike Nwachukwu pleaded and appealed to them to work together for the interest of the Igbos.
He said that he did not want to mention some of the major issues Imo and other Igbos would like the conference to address in public for some reasons until when the time comes for that.
He advised that National confab is far beyond party politics that Igbos should cooperate with other delegates to address the issue of marginalization of the people of the South-East for the general interest of the masses.
The Elder statesman hinted that though Dr. Ezekiel Izuogu is the leader of the Imo delegates but the delegates from the South-East in their own wisdom comes together to speak in one voice and to get the maximum benefit for organizing such conference.
He appealed to the well-meaning people of the South-East and Igbos to assist them to provide the necessary logistics in the secretariat.
When he was asked if it's true that Governor T.A Orji of Abia state because of his position as the chairman of South-East Governors' forum imposed Senator Nwachukwu on them, Chief Njemanze opined that it was not true. That it was the delegates in consensus that selected Nwachukwu to be their leader and Monsino Ike Obiora as his deputy.
He added that Senator Nwachukwu is the leaders of South-East delegates and effort are being made to reach other Igbo delegates to form a common front and approach other regions for possible understanding and harmonization of some critical issues when the need arises. As he said, 'Sen. Ike Nwachukwu is a big access to the people of south East and Nigerians in general' and advised people to stop evil antagonism and foul language.
Bob Njemanze also emphasized that the Monday's deliberation mainly centered on rules and regulations that will guide the conference to achieve maximum result.
Another stalwart of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in Osun State was yesterday murdered by unidentified hoodlums who invaded his residence at Irojo area of Ilesa, in Ilesa East local government area of Osun State. The victim, Mr. Alaba Agunmo was reportedly stabbed to death by thugs who besieged his house and lured him to the back of his residence where they allegedly stabbed him on the neck till he died. Meanwhile, the State Chairman of the party, Alhaji Ganiyu Olaoluwa, in a statement yesterday in Osogbo called on the Osun State Police Command to investigate the murder of Agunmo, whom he described as a committed member of the PDP in the state. Recently it would be recalled that a leader of the party in the ancient town of Ile-Ife, Pa Taiwo Ogundele was killed during the just concluded voters’ registration exercise in the state. Olaoluwa who described the killing of Agunmo as barbaric, said the party would prosecute the killing of all its members in the last three and half years of the present administration in the state. He urged the Police to ensure thorough investigation of the murder case, just as he called on relevant agencies of government to protect members of the PDP in the state from untimely death. Efforts to get the reaction of the state Commissioner of Police, Mr Ibrahim Maishanu and that of the Police Public Relations Officer (PPRO) for the state police command, Mrs. Folashade Odoro for their comments proved abortive.
The resolution, in the 193-member UN General Assembly, was supported by 100 countries; 11 countries voted against with 58 abstentions.
Nigeria on Thursday in New York backed a UN General Assembly resolution which declared Russian annexation of Crimea illegal and affirmed Ukraine’s territorial integrity.
The resolution, in the 193-member UN General Assembly, was supported by 100 countries; 11 countries voted against with 58 abstentions.
It called on countries and international organisations not to recognise any alteration of the status of the Republic of Crimea and the city of Sevastopol based on the March 16 referendum.
It also urged states “to refrain from any action or dealings that might be interpreted as recognising any such altered status’’.
Nigeria’s Permanent Representative to the UN, Joy Ogwu, said “Nigeria voted in favour of the resolution solely on the basis of principle’’.
A copy of her statement was emailed to the News Agency of Nigeria in Abuja.
MS. Ogwu said in supporting the resolution, Nigeria was guided by the same consideration in the March 15 vote on the draft resolution on Ukraine brought before the Security Council.
“We want it to be clearly understood that by voting for these resolutions, Nigeria neither supports nor opposes any particular country or group of countries.
“Rather, Nigeria firmly upholds the sanctity of the UN Charter and the principles of international law in accordance with the Declaration on Rights and Duties of States of 1949.
She also made reference to the Constitutive Act of the African Union (AU) and other relevant instruments that protect the sovereignty of states.
“We weighed the evidence of the case on the scale of justice and the reality of the situation in our own part of the world.
“We also considered the universality of the application of the principles that we pledged to uphold in our interaction with the rest of the world,’’ she said.
According to the Nigerian UN envoy, both resolutions by the UN have reaffirmed the fundamental principles of international law as well as the principles and purposes of the UN charter.
MS. Ogwu called on UN member states to respect the rule of law at the international level, and also demonstrate due regard for the universal and self-evident truth that all states were equal.
“It is our firm conviction that peace can only be achieved on the basis of mutual respect. Indeed, respect is the foundation on which the rule of law is anchored.
“In this regard, we believe that the protection of ethnic minorities, guarantee of their inviolable rights and respect for their dignity, among others, were the obligation of all states.
“Therefore, no state should deny the rights of whole nationalities or strip them of their identities, including the use of their native languages,’’ she said.
She pledged that Nigeria would continue to abide by the rule of law and respect the provisions of the charter of the UN.
She advised states to endeavour to seek peaceful and amicable ways to settle their disputes.
MS. Ogwu made reference to Nigeria submission to the International Court of Justice (ICJ) ruling on Bakassi peninsula.
“Our willing submission to the ruling of the International Court of Justice in our dispute with the Republic of Cameroon should serve as an example to all law abiding nations.’’
She, however, said Nigeria had resolved to facilitate peaceful resolution of the situation in Ukraine guided by universally accepted principles.
Six out of 10 people who are trafficked to the West are Nigerians. PREMIUM TIMES investigative reporter, Tobore Ovuorie, was motivated by years of research into the plight of trafficked women in the country, as well as the loss of a friend, to go undercover in a multi-billion dollar criminal enterprise. She emerged, bruised and beaten but thankfully alive, after witnessing orgies, big money deals in jute bags, police-supervised pickpocketing, beatings and even murder. This is her story. culled from premium times
We are 10 at the boot camp: Adesuwa, Isoken, Lizzy, Mairo, Adamu, Ini, Tessy, Omai, Sammy and I. We have travelled together in a 14 seater bus from Lagos, hoping to arrive in Italy soon. We are eager to get to the ‘next level’ as it is called: from local prostitution to hopefully earning big bucks abroad. But first, it turns out, we have to pass through ‘training’ in this massive secluded compound guarded by armed military men, far from any other human being, somewhere in the thick bushes outside Ikorodu, a suburb of Lagos. Our trafficker, Mama Caro, welcomes us in flawless English, telling us how lucky and special we are; then she ushers us to a room where we are to sleep on the floor without any dinner.
I had not expected this. We had exercised, through a risk analysis role play, in advance: my paper PREMIUM TIMES, and our partners on the project, a colleague–Reece Adanwenon– in the Republic of Benin, and ZAM Chronicle in Amsterdam. We had put in place contacts, emergency phone numbers, safe houses, emergency money accounts. We had made transport and extraction arrangements. Ms. Reece is waiting in Cotonou, 100 kilometers to the West in neighbouring Benin, to pick me up from an agreed meeting place. But we hadn’t foreseen that there was to be another stop first: this isolated, guarded camp in the middle of nowhere. It dawns on me that we could be in big trouble.
“Our trafficker, Mama Caro, welcomes us in flawless English, telling us how lucky and special we are; then she ushers us to a room where we are to sleep on the floor without any dinner.”
Risk analysis and preparation
It had all started in Abuja, with me deciding to expose the human traffic syndicates that caused the death, through Aids, of my friend Ifuoke and countless others. As a health journalist, I had interviewed several returnees from sex traffic who had not only been encouraged to have unprotected sex, but who had also been denied health care or even to return home when they fell ill. They were now suffering from Aids, anal gonorrhea, bowel ruptures and incontinence. In the case of some of them, who hailed from conservative religious backgrounds, doctors in their home towns had denied them any treatment because they had been ‘bad’. I was also aware that powerful politicians and government and army officials, who outwardly professed religious purity, were servicing and protecting the traffickers.I wanted to break through the hypocrisy and official propaganda and show how, every day, criminals in Nigeria are helped by the powerful to enslave my fellow young citizens. MyPREMIUM TIMES colleagues had done undercover work before; they had warned me of the risks, but had agreed to support me in my decision to go through with it. With my colleagues, and with the help of ZAM Chronicle, we then started in earnest.
“I wanted to break through the hypocrisy and official propaganda and show how, every day, criminals in Nigeria are helped by the powerful to enslave my fellow young citizens.”
Oghogho
I had advertised my wish to get to know a ‘madam’ whilst walking the streets of Lagos, dressed as a call girl.It worked. I had met Oghogho Irhiogbe, an accomplished, well-groomed graduate in her thirties (though she claimed to be only 26), and a wealthy human trafficker of note. My lucky hunch to tell her that my name was ‘Oghogho’ too had immediately warmed her to me. She told me I looked like her kid sister and from then on treated me like a favourite.
“Don’t worry about crossing borders and getting caught,” she had told me. “Immigration, customs, police, army and even foreign embassies are part of our network. You only run into trouble with them if you fail to be obedient to us.” I already knew this to be true. Two of the trafficked sex workers I had interviewed had tried to find help at Nigerian embassies in Madrid and Moscow, only to realise that the very embassy officials from whom they had sought deportation had immediately informed their pimps. They had eventually made it back to Nigeria only after they had developed visible diseases, such as AIDS-related Kaposi sarcoma.
“Precious had already made enough money to start building her own house in Enugu, halfway between Abuja and Port Harcourt.”
Oghogho Irhiogbe had been luckier. She owned four luxury cars, two houses in Edo State, and was busy completing the building of a third house near the Warri airport in Delta State. Others I had met through my initial ‘call girl’ exploits were clearly on their way to riches, too. Priye was set to go back to the Netherlands, where she worked before, to become a ‘madam’. Ivie and Precious were quite happy to go back to Italy. Precious had already made enough money to start building her own house in Enugu, halfway between Abuja and Port Harcourt.
Forza Speciale
It is on the windy Sunday evening of October 6 that I make my first contact with the outer ring of this mafia. A big party with VIPs is on the cards; the kind of party an ordinary girl, or rather ‘product’, as we are called by traffickers, is not usually invited to. But I am currently on a fortune ride: Oghogho’s favourite. Additionally, I have been classified as ‘Special Forces’, or ‘Forza Speciale’ as my new contacts say, borrowing the Italian term. It’s a rule of thumb, I understand, that a syndicate subjects girls to classification through a check on their nude bodies and I, too – in the company of some male and female judges, headed by a trafficker called Auntie Precious – had been checked. I had received the highest classification. “This means that you don’t have to walk the streets. You can be an escort for important clients,” Auntie Precious had told me in a soft, congratulatory tone. The ones of ‘lesser’ classification were referred to as Forza Strada, the Road Force.
The party is held at a gorgeous residence along the Aguiyi Ironsi Way in Maitama, Abuja. This is designed to be a festive end to a great day, in which we went to church, hung out at the choicest places in town, shopped and got dressed in a suite at the Abuja power citadel, meeting point of the elite, the Transcorp Hilton.
“The ‘dividend’ is not from prostitution and trafficking alone, but Oghogho won’t tell me what the other source is.”
It is more like an orgy. Male and female strippers entertain guests, drugs abound, alcohol is everywhere in unrestrained flow; there is romping in the open. Also, big bags of money are changing hands. Barely an hour after we arrive, Oghogho receives a big jute bag, which is delivered from another room. As we walk out and she puts the money in the boot of her car, she smiles at me. “Don’t worry; very soon, you’ll get to receive dividend.” This ‘dividend’ is not from prostitution and trafficking alone, but Oghogho won’t tell me what the other source is. “When you come on board fully, you’ll know.”
A retired army colonel from the Abacha era sees to it that we are not disturbed. “He has top connections and sees to a smooth flow of the business,” Oghogho tells me.
Pickpocketing training
How ‘top’ these connections are, I find when I am taken with a group of girls to be trained in pickpocketing. We, a group of ten ‘products’, are placed at various crowded bus stops in the suburb of Ikorodu, where we must ‘practice’ under the guard of two army officers, a policeman as well as a number of male ‘trainers’. The policeman doesn’t even bother to cover his name badge: Babatunde Ajala, it reads.
The general operation is supervised by Mama Caro, popularly called Mama C, a 50-something, light-complexioned, busty woman. Her deputy is a Madam Eno. Mama C has told us that pickpocketing is a crucial skill for the Forza Speciale: we will need to be able to pick valuables from clients. She adds that the pickings are added to the girls earnings, so we will be able to pay off our debts– commonly called ‘meeting our targets’ – in a short time.
When I perform dismally, Eno rains abuses on me. We are all to stay at the bus stop until I pick an item from somebody. It is already 11 PM.Tired, hungry and angry with me, Adesuwa, Isoken and the policeman guarding my group pick some extra pockets and hand me the items, so that I can show them to Eno.
“ We practice pickpocketing under the guard of two army officers and a policeman”
The next day, the bumpy journey to the ‘training camp’ appears endless. My fellow ‘products’ are snoozing and I battle to stay awake, wondering if we are tired or drugged. I note the bus moving off the main road somewhere around Odogunyan, into thick bushes, almost a forest.We stop at a compound guarded by armed military men. As my fellow ‘products’ wake up, it is clear that they think we are still in Lagos.
New names and indenture
The next day starts with strip tease and lap dance training after breakfast, and thereafter poise and etiquette. Five other girls have arrived in the meantime. They are all graduates, leaving for Italy fully aware of what they are to do there. “If I get caught by local police, I will just tell them I was trafficked against my will,” one of them, Gbemi, says light-heartedly. “I don’t think oyinbo (white man) will believe Mama C if she says that I am there voluntarily.”
I receive a crash course in pedicure and manicure because I am so bad at pickpocketing. “You’ll be utilizing these skills at my wellness centre in Italy,” Mama C says, after scolding me for being lazy and testing her patience. “You will be working on only men whilst wearing sexy dresses. That will enable you to attract customers.”
“Mama C makes us sign a statement that we have willingly embarked on the journey”
Later, Mama C makes everyone sign a statement that they have willingly embarked on the journey and that they are to return certain sums as professional fees to her. No girl is given a copy of what she has signed and the amount varies inexplicably: while Isoken signs up for a debt of US $100,000, I will have only US $70,000 to pay. We are told that we will receive new passports with false names and even false nationalities in Cotonou. I am to become a Kenyan, Mairo South African, and so on. “I have boys in the Benin immigration office,” boasts Mama C.
Horror
A just-arrived traditional ‘doctor’ then puts us through rites that involve checking the horoscope of each girl as well as collecting some of her blood, fingernails, hair and pubic hair. He then picks out four of us as ‘problematic’ and says we will bring ‘bad luck’. Either he is really clairvoyant or he is a professional security operative who has run background checks on us, because he is right about at least three of the four. Two of us have had unfortunate earlier experiences involving deportation back to Nigeria and are possibly known to the authorities in Europe. I am number three.
What happens next is like a horror movie.
As we ‘unlucky’ four, are standing aside, Mama C talks with five well-dressed, classy, influential-looking visitors.The issue is a ‘package’ that Mama C has promised them and that she hasn’t been able to deliver. The woman points at me, but Mama C refuses and for unexplained reasons Adesuwa and Omai are selected. We all witness, screaming and trying to hide in corners, as they are grabbed and beheaded with machetes in front of us. The ‘package’ that the visitors have come for turns out to be a collection of body parts. The mafia that holds us is into organ traffic, too.
“We all witness Adesuwa and Omai being beheaded in front of us. The ‘package’ that the visitors have come for turns out to be a collection of body parts. ”
With all of us trembling and crying, I and the other three ‘unsuitable’ ones are herded into a separate room. Mama C comes later to take me to yet another room for questioning. Angry beyond measure, she whips me all night, telling me to yield information on the ‘forces’ protecting me. “You are going nowhere,” she keeps shouting. “I have invested too much in you!”
Clearing the ‘spirit’
The next morning Mama C eats her breakfast while I starve: I have last eaten the previous morning. When she finished, and whilst the ‘approved products’ leave for Cotonou, Benin, to commence their journey to Italy, Mama C takes us four ‘unsuitables’ to visit three new, different ‘doctors’: one in the Agege neighbourhood of Lagos, the second in rural Sango Ota village and the third in remote Abeokuta in Ogun State. She clearly believes in traditional ‘medicine’ and is desperate to find a treatment for the ‘demons’ we are said to carry.
The first two ‘doctors’ agree with the first one that I am bad news, but the third, after roughly cutting off most of my hair, declares me free from the ‘spirit’. The ‘evil spirits’ in the other three girls, meanwhile, have been ‘beaten out of them’ with dry whips. Back at the camp the first ‘doctor’ rages at Mama C for approving me, insisting that the ‘doctor’ who ‘freed me from the spirit’ is a fraud. “This girl will bring about your downfall! You will end up in jail!” I am all the more convinced that he possesses not supernatural powers, but certain information.The syndicates are well-connected and someone may have told him that I am not who I say I am. The ‘doctor’ keeps repeating that ‘forces’ are protecting me. But Mama C insists that she is not to lose her investment.
“The ‘doctor’ keeps repeating that ‘forces’ are protecting me. But Mama C insists that she is not to lose her investment.”
Meanwhile, new ‘products’ have arrived to pass through the rites that night. The whole camp is again in the grip of fear as chilling screams indicate that some of the new arrivals – two girls and a young man, I learned later – are also murdered.
“Oghogho, I wonder what actually brought you here. I never expected a girl like you to venture into this,” says one of Mama C’s errand boys, as he enters the room I had again been locked in later that night with a plate of food.He seems well disposed to me. “You found and returned my Blackberry that I lost during one of the pickpocketing training sessions,” he explains. I had not realised the escort whose phone I found had been this boy; then, he had worn a cap pressed deep into his eyes. “Other girls would just have kept my phone,” he says. “You don’t belong here.I keep wondering what level of poverty has made you endanger yourself. You don’t deserve this.”
The plate of food is all I need to get my strength back. We are to travel the following morning.
Escape
As we are about to leave, I lose my phone to the army officer. Searching all of us, he has taken Isoken’s phone already and she has pointed at me to divert attention from herself, saying I had a phone too. He takes mine at gunpoint.I can only thank the heavens that it is dead. I had been upset because it didn’t charge the previous night, but the fact that it won’t switch on is my second lucky break: it has a lot of pictures and conversations I have recorded in the camp. The disadvantage of losing my phone is that I can’t contact our colleague Reece, who is to help me once I get to Cotonou. I also can’t communicate with my editors back in Nigeria.
All along the road leading up to the border, police and customs officers wave and greet Madam Eno and our head of operations, Mr James. Nigerian Immigrations and Customs officers also greet us warmly at the border post itself, whilst enquiring if there is anything in it for them today.
“Welcome, Madam! How have sales been?”
Eno: “Not much.”
“But your batch was allowed entry yesterday, so why claim you haven’t been making sales? “
Eno: “We are not the owner of yesterday’s batch of girls. We own these ones in this bus.”
“Haaa!You want to play a smart one? Not to worry, your boss will sort all this out with us.”
The officers then wave the minibus through without any form of documentation.
The original plan was for me to go with the transport as far as Cotonou, the capital of our neighbouring country Benin. But I don’t want to stretch it any longer. The border is usually very crowded and I plan to escape as soon as we are there. It works. Just after the Seme border post, in front of a crowded, muddy market, I run. Merging with the crowd, I take my top off – I have another top under it – and cover my head with a scarf. The army officer is following me, looking for me. I dive into a store and lose him.
“Just after the Seme border post, in front of a crowded, muddy market, I ran.”
I travel the twenty kilometres from the border motor park to Cotonou by minibus taxi.Colleague Reece – alerted by a phone call the driver helps make to her to ensure that she will be there to pay him – will wait for me there. Upon arrival, I see a woman I recognise from her Facebook photo. “Reece?”“Tobore!” She cries and holds out her arms to catch me. “I am safe.”
